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Assignments...assignments | Monday, May 07, 2007

it's 1:50 a.m on a Monday presently and i'm still awake doing my Computer Logic & Essentials 2nd assignment that's due on the 16th. quite freaked out right now. seeking for help from the not so helpful lecturer. sigh. looks like i'm staying up all night from today onwards. that's IF i can push myself to not sleep more than 4 hours daily and not go to CS2 so often and do work till my exam ends. in the previous week, i was thinking of asking Melb Uni on how many %/subject do i need at least to transfer my credit there. honestly speaking, i'm not enjoying myself at Swinburne at all.

reason No.1, obviously because i'm far away from my friends. No.2, agreeing with Katyana's statement, "it's my Harvard.". No.3, prove myself that i'm not literally a dumbass. No. 4, i wanna make my parents happy and proud/prouder the fact that i'm in Melb Uni. all this while, i feel like i am a disappointment to them. well...not 'feel', more like just 'am'. they keep on telling me that i'm the smartest out of all the siblings. hard to believe it myself. dad told me that even my sis(she's fucking smart and was in Melb Uni with 10 HDs) thinks that i'm the smart one. doesn't make sense to me at all. also, he keeps on telling me that i've got the brains, but i'm just not using it. guess that's true.

the way i see it, the following is the hierarchy of intelligence out of the 3 siblings:

smartest - sister
3/4 smart as my sister - brother
dumb fuck - yours truly

so far, i have never felt the urge to actually push myself. the only time i did that was in form 5. that was to make it to Trinity. that paid off. in Trinity, i was cruising at i got a pretty bad average you would say for a Trinity student to get. now that i think about it, i could've done better. waay better perhaps? i don't know what i'm capable of myself. seriously, what's wrong with me? i get a lot of opportunities, and yet i didn't take them. how stupid of me to do so. i can only hope and pray that i get to score and enter an even better Uni. my current aim is to go to Monash Clayton at least. if Melb Uni opens its doors to me, why not? i can only imagine. just a dream. it's the 1st semester of the 1st year and i'm already sick of uni. how could i possibly pull through with such negative thinking? God willing, i'll graduate on schedule.

after the exams, i have approximately 2 months worth of holiday. can't think of a lot of things to do actually. the sad thing about going back to Malaysia is, i'm gonna be flying alone. by far, i have never flew alone before. guess it'll be a good experience. recently i posted that certain feelings stirred up inside of me about someone. well, looks like i have to look elsewhere due to specific and inside reasons. as much as it sucks, but what to do right? if it's not my turn, then it's not my turn. i see myself being alone for...quite some time. hopefully not too long. got about 9 years left to find 'the' person. can't wait to go back to Malaysia. FOOD, CHEAPER PETROL, BIGGER TV, RM, ASTRO. oh yea...& especially chill with friends(both local & international students). hopefully i get to meet Khan Lan. long time no see that dude! strip chor tai ti! haha...good old times. Anyway, i'm off to continuing my assignment now. L8R

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Created at 1:48 AM
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Uni Life...some life | Thursday, May 03, 2007

At my current state, I can't go out (as in chill) anymore. I barely got time to breathe. I didn't know my course was gonna drop a tonne of bricks and expect me to bring it up 10 steps. Right now I should be doing my assignments. Assignment(SSS) not assignmen(T). God, how I hate Uni life. I'll look like I'm 30 by the time I graduate at this rate. IF I graduate that is. I'm seriously doubting myself as others are on whether we could actually pull through or not. Honestly, I hate uni to the fullest. Not taking my words back for this statement. My dad said, "you'll enjoy your uni life." Well, so much for that. 1st semester of my 1st year, and I already hate uni to the ground.

Though time passes by fast for my 1st semester, it doesn't change the fact that I like uni and can cope with the subjects I take. For CLE, I seriously, want to literally KILL the lecturer. Bastard. Exams < 28 days away, YOU FUCKING GIVE ME 3 BLOODY ASSIGNMENTS AND A TEST TO SIT FOR. FUCK YOU ASSHOLE!!! FUCK YOU!!! FUCK YOU!!! Assignments where I have 2 written tasks which I do not know & understand the fucking subject, and a presentation which I have to do research. THANKS ALOT ASSHOLE. 2nd assignment due date: 16 May. Test 16 May. 3rd assignment due date: 23 May. Guess when the presentation's gonna be since the first paper for exams starts on the 28th of May. Nice of the fucker to slot it in right?

On to another subject, Database Analysis & Design group assignment deu date: 23 May. Ain't that great? Group assignment and yet I've not been allocated to a group & now it's the 3rd of May. That gives me, 2 weeks++ to get it fucking done? Thanks Swinburne... THANKS. Another subject which I just fucked up, is programming. This test I just had, I just fucked it up like there's no tomorrow. And assignment due 21 May. Programming is said to be hard. It is hard. What's worse is, the tutors (which are students) aren't helping me much. More like not helping at all. They don't understand my question. Thus, their answer to my question is just an explanation. NOT HELPING ME HERE! I want the fucker to actually show me how it is supposed to look like. Guess it's just too much to ask. How can I actually advance through while having this kind of help, you tell me??? Swinburne, I.Hate.You.

So, recap on what I have to do pretty much till my 1st semester is over.
3 May: Programming Test
15 May: Intro to Business Info System Presentation
16 May: CLE 2nd Assignment
16 May: CLE Test
21 May: Programming Assignment
23 May: CLE 3rd Assignment
23 May: Database, Analysis & Design Assignment
23 May: (I'm guessing only) CLE Presentation

28 May: Intro to Business Info System Exam
1 June: Programming Exam
4 June: Database, Analysis & Design Exam
8 June: CLE Exam

That's my agenda for the whole of this month. This is why I said I barely have time to breathe. & I'm trying to get out of fucking Swinburne. Seriously doubting whether I can pullthrough 1st semester. Too intense. My thinking of applying to Melbourne Uni is going to be just a dream. No more than a dream. Even Monash. I'm pretty much, the stupid one in the family. Don't think I'm the dumbest of the smartest in the family. I'm just pure stupid. Thinking of alternative courses presently.

I'm a dissapointment to myself, friends, family and especially my dad.

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Created at 10:41 PM
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... | Tuesday, April 17, 2007

hmmm...quite odd for me to be blogging at this hour (this is counted as early). in 16 hours time, i have 2 tests for IBIS. One is Mid Sem test and the other one is the stupid *^$%ing hurdle test. The day after, CLE test which i am semi-prepared. for CLE, i'm seeking one of the lecturer's help. can't wait for 1st sem to end. God, its been stressful so far. one assignment down, one came up. then another one down and another one came up. then tests are along the way. wtf man. i need space to breathe you stupid human beings who are in my way of getting a computer science degree you piece of *^%$!!! i would say that, as many have told me, that the moment you hear the word 'science' in your degree or anything related to it, you're in one of the most stressful degree programs. i've seen raymond stress out like never before. that's a first. me, paranoia and stress and pressure gets into me like breathing air. not long more till June. June = Holidays = Mount Buller/Malaysia. Malaysia = FOOD FOOD FOOD. and of course, the HALAL and SPICY kingdom! oh yea...and RM ehehe.

just today, i got my long awaited expresscard 34mm with 2 eSATA ports. now, all i need is to get the eSATA to SATA-1 cable and voila, external hard disk that transfer data as fast as an internal hard disk. on the way to Yit Ming and Felix's place on Friday, broke my one and only head band :'( now my long hair is covering my forehead and slowly covering my ears. and from the front, it looks like i have tails under my ears man. good news also is that Jim updated my PSP to version 3.10-OE A' so now i can play multiplayer games with raymond, jim and hao rui haha! oh yea! on another note, i might move to CS2 near the end of this year! hopefully that happens. friends nearby and also the city. compared to where i live right now, everytime i wanna meet my friends, i have to drive through the city and find a ^%$#ing parking. at the end of today, i managed to finish more than 50% of Database Analysis & Design assignment and i just started today. still got programming (which i don't understand due to the chemistrified formula) to do. and for sure IBIS & CLE is gonna fire another one of their assignments at me and tests. God!!!

now i'm thinking, not thinking actually. more like feeling something that i haven't felt for quite some time. though i think its just a small spark. nothing big. before this, i look at a person of the opposite sex as "oh, she's cute/pretty" & that's it. like, no feeling of attraction. nothing. zip. don't know what the hell is wrong with me. at least i don't check out guys haha. thank god for that. if i do, someone please hit me right in my stomach. i won't write the name here hehe. so don't expect any names about this person to appear. and haha, don't 'perasan' please. for all you know, its not you hehee... guess i'll just let it flow and see what happens. if its not meant to be, then its not meant to be. though that sucks, but i gotta accept it if and when it comes (most probably its 'when it comes' and not 'if'). am i that lonely while being in melbourne till i feel sorry for myself for being alone in uni and single too? now that i think of the past, i could've made something happen about 2 or 3 times, but then, i didn't take even when it was directly in front of me. how selfish or just plain stupid am i? you'll always want something that you don't/can't have and you don't appreciate what you already have. what the hell am i saying here!? i sound like an old dude trying to give advice to teenagers man. i'll end this post now. got to read before my test tomorrow afternoon. Choi Kin! which means 'good bye' by the way to people who do not know what it means in chinese.

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Created at 12:27 AM
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Lost for words | Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Don't know why but I feel like blogging at the moment before I begin my task for CLE before I meet my lecturer within 12 hours from now which will be at 10a.m. on the 28th of March. The only part about uni I'm thrilled about is at the moment, IBIS because of the friends I have in my group assignment. By far, they are my only friends in uni currently. One of'em is Roberto. He's from East Timor, 30 years old, married and also in his first year in uni. The other one is Stu or Stuart or some shit. He's 18 this year I think and he looks like he's about 20-ish? He says that he gets it a lot. Zara, being the only girl in the group, and is as old as I am, is rather too quiet if you ask me??? She looks like she's a third year student or somehing. No offence :p Last but not least is David. Haven't had any interactions with him yet. The only thing I know about him is that he's under Roberto's age.

Nowadays, when I see a couple holding hands or so forth, I can't help but feel jealous. Yes, jealous. Sometimes, I wish I was one of them. Not as in for the sake of being with someone. More like, having mutual feelings about each other. By far, I've never had that feeling with anyone. I wonder if I'll ever be with someone haha. At 19(coming soon), I'm already starting to think like this. The only family I have over here is the people I always hang out with during weekends, frequently during weekdays are the CS2 people and Grattan human being there. Jung Kai is now flemington kebab-fied ahha. Finally, I got the working album for Fall Out Boy's 'Infinity On High'. By far, I really like both 'From Under The Cork Tree' and Infinity On High' album. In 1.5 hours, Greg is turning 19 and Harvey is already 19 earlier today. I'm off to eating my Krispy Kreme doughnuts and work on my CLE excercises set by my lecturer. L8r

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Created at 10:09 PM
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Sigh | Monday, March 26, 2007

It's been quite some time since I last blogged. A few reasons why I hardly blog nowadays: got a new game for my PSP, lazy, insufficient time & finally, piled up with assignments. God, how I despise to have assignments right after 2 tests have ended, IBIS assignment due 30th April and the deadline for Database Analysis & Design assignment is due Wednesday. What's worse is that, the subject of the newly given assignment is Computer Logic & Essentials. Its really shit when I don't know how to do the damned subject and the assignment itself. Had to ask for the lecturer's help for this case. None of the lectures that he gave for 2 or 3 weeks, have I understood a single thing. It didn't make any sense in my head! And you expect me to do an assignment!? For the IBIS assignment, that shit head 'Tan Phan' wants to see how each of the group's doing. We barely have time to breathe man.

Quite stressed at the moment. DAD test in on this coming Monday the 2nd of April. Blargh! The week after that is CLE's assignment due date. Then, the IBIS due date which I have to make a presentation inclusive of the 3,000 word report with 4 other human beings. Uni life is not as what I expected it to be. Yes, we have less amount of hours compared to college. But in uni, assignments are due about 2-4 weeks after it is given. & there are 4 subjects in 1 semester. & a semester lasts for 3 or 4 months? I'm getting tired of assignments man. & its just the first semester of my first year in uni. God, what a way to break down my enthusiast to study what I want.

So far throughout uni, the only friends I have in my uni is probably my IBIS assignment group. Other than that, none. nill. zero. Now when I look at my clock, I can see how fast the second arm of the clock moves from one second to another. "Time waits for no man." How true. How true. Nowadays, I have my dinner at 909 of CS2 pretty much 5 out of 7 days a week I think? Sorry to bother Hao Rui & Jim for bringing my food and eat there. In my apartment, there's only me, the screwed up toilet bowl that now leaks unless I turn off the water from flowing into the toilet bowl, and also the tv that I broke while trying to play football in my apartment. The only friend I have at home is my trusty notebook. What a life saver. Thinking of how many people are in the group. Roughly close to 20 perhaps? Meaning we'll celebrate almost 20 birthdays in a year. Originally it was only about 10 or so. With more and more Cempakans coming to Melbourne, the group's expanding. I'm talking crap right now so, I'll dose of or do some shit exercise to help me cope with freaking CLE. Night!

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Created at 11:04 PM
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surviving alone | Monday, February 26, 2007

hmmm...its now 1:26 am on monday the 26th of February 2007. parents and brother just left Melbourne. And now, i'm all alone in the apartment. There's not much difference between living alone and living with people. Just that, when the people you live with in the same place leaves, you'll feel like there's something missing. The only room that has light at the moment is my room while the others are switched off. School starts in 8 hours time which i have to get out of the house at most by 9 if i choose to ride the train and tram to uni which i will as much as i'd like to drive. It seems that if i drive myself to uni, its not worth taking the car to uni since my dad got me the monthly pass. Adding to that, its a few minutes faster than driving so...go figure.

Daniel's birthday's coming up which i had to be given caps locked letters by Chen in her own words '2ND MARCH!'. His birthday falls on this coming Friday. I have yet to meet the group...ever since i came back, which was on the 17th, i only saw them once. Hopefully Dan's birthday's my chance to see them once again. Though out of all the people i've met, i haven't seen Eddie and Greg yet. Li Sher, are you still on earth???
People wrote on my cbox that i haven't updated. Now, the ones that wrote in my cbox are the ones who haven't updated!

current wish list: ExpressCard/34 - 2 ports & a FW,USB and eSATA Hard Drive Enclosure
With the cash that my dad gave me, i can purchase it. Just that he also mentioned to 'use it wisely'. But its 'eSATA' man. I can transfer my files to the hard drive at 1.5Gb/s!!!That's approximately 150MB/s!!! *knock on the head* can't buy without his permission. Though he'll allow me to use it, but i feel that i still have to ask his permission. Guilty conscience man. Besides the superfast transfer of files and reading speed, i can store games in the external hard drive. The external SATA'll have the same reading speed as an internal SATA. That thing'll solve my problems!

1) 1.5Gb/s
2) Firewire 400/Firewire 800/USB 2.0 also included!
3) eSATA!!!
4) more ventilation for my current external hard drive!

in my family, i'm the only one who's going crazy over electronics. Brother's not much of an electronic fan. Sister, need i say? When it comes to study, she can whack me until Judgement Day. But when it comes to electronics, ehehe...i just realized that out of all the 3 siblings, i have the LEAST amount of clothes in total. Just shifted to my brother's room in apt 108. All my clothes combined, its only a quarter of the wardrobe. Last time i checked, my brother and sister's clothes could fit 100% of the wardrobe. In my mind, i'd rather spend my money on electronics than clothes. My siblings are the opposite of me. Seems i'm the odd one in the family. Back in Malaysia, out of the whole time i spent over there, i only bought one rip curl shirt and shorts in terms of clothing. In terms of electronics, USB 2.0 HUB with 7 slots, a 320GB 3.5" external hard drive, 120GB 2.5" internal hard drive, a PSP stand, a notebook cooler with 3 fans running at 2500rpm and a free genuine copy Windows Vista Ultimate. Ratio 2:6

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Created at 1:26 AM
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first post ever after half a century of not blogging | Wednesday, February 21, 2007

sigh...uni starts in 5 days time with friends scattered all over the country. wanted to say melbounre but its actually australia. Ananth in Adelaide, the fat f*ck in Canberra, Chen and Li Sher (god knows what happened to her), Nada's in Monash, Greg Bryan Raymond Chin Steph Giulia Daniel Vivien Angelina in Melbourne Uni. i'm not feeling sighed that uni's starting. its because of the fact that i'm far from my college friends that i hang out so often and the fact that i'm not in the same university as the most of'em.

took my dad lots of $$$ and 1 precious year of my life which i'll never forget to make me realize that i really wanted to go into Melbourne University. i feel so grieved now that it cost me a year of my life and tonnes of $$$. currently i'm in Swinburne Univeristy due to lack of marks in my grand total average. & what's worse is that, i'm all alone. to see the Melbourne Uni students talk about how fun their orientation and stuff was, makes me feel that 'i want that' and at the same time and you know the other feeling. how stupid of me to listen to what other people say to go to 'this' uni and 'that' uni when i was in Trinity which were intended for students studying in that college to go to Melbourne Uni.

my plan: get outta Swinburne University a.s.a.p. and into Melbourne University (if possible that is). though it may not be the best place to study computer science, but in the state of Victoria, it has the highest score requirement to enter i think. so, one of the reasons why i wanna enter is to have a sense of achievement of at least getting into that particular Uni. other reason: been going to the same place for a whole year, friends live nearby, city's nearby, distance, means of transportation. god, i hope i can. please. maybe its just me that i'm going to a different Uni. God, please please please help me. and to the PEOPLE WHO WROTE IN MY CBOX, DON'T THINK I HAVEN'T NOTICED!!!

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Created at 9:56 PM
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